When we lived in Alaska, there was this really amazing family that lived near us and they were in our ward. Tanya, the mom, was the kind of woman I knew I could call on for anything I needed, she was always very kind and supportive to me. I can't tell you how many times since we've left that I've said to Erik, "dang it, I wish we had spent more time with the Murphys, I really liked them." Almost 2 years ago, their son was killed in active duty, and it had a big impact on me personally, and certainly on the ward family and the base family. Mark Murphy, the dad, wrote this for the base newspaper recently, but it's been passed around quite a bit in the last month because Erik received it from someone in Iraq as a forward, and it had been forwarded many times already. It's worth reading, I promise. As I read it, my eyes started tearing up, creating wells, until the dam burst and I cried for a good while. I'm weepy now as I write this. So give it a read, and then I'll comment on it at the end.
354th Maintenance Group deputy commander
8/15/2008 - EIELSON AIR FORCE BASE, Alaska -- I learned a big lesson on
service Aug. 4, 2008, when Eielson had the rare honor of hosting
President Bush on a refueling stop as he traveled to Asia.
It was an event Eielson will never forget -- a hangar full of Airmen and
Soldiers getting to see the Commander in Chief up close, and perhaps
even shaking his hand. An incredible amount of effort goes into
presidential travel because of all of the logistics, security, protocol,
etc ... so it was remarkable to see Air Force One land at Eielson on
time at precisely 4:30 p.m.--however, when he left less than two hours
later, the President was 15 minutes behind schedule.
That's a big slip for something so tightly choreographed, but very few
people know why it happened. Here's why.
On Dec. 10, 2006, our son, Shawn, was a paratrooper deployed on the
outskirts of Baghdad. He was supposed to spend the night in camp, but
when a fellow soldier became ill Shawn volunteered to take his place on
a nighttime patrol--in the convoy's most exposed position as turret
gunner in the lead Humvee. He was killed instantly with two other
soldiers when an IED ripped through their vehicle.
I was thinking about that as my family and I sat in the audience
listening to the President's speech, looking at the turret on the
up-armored Humvee the explosive ordnance disposal flight had put at the
edge of the stage as a static display.
When the speech was over and the President was working the crowd line, I
felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see a White House staff member.
She asked me and my wife to come with her, because the President wanted
to meet us.
Stunned, we grabbed our two sons that were with us and followed her back
into a conference room. It was a shock to go from a crowded, noisy
hangar, past all of those security people, to find ourselves suddenly
alone in a quiet room.
The only thing we could hear was a cell phone vibrating, and noticed
that it was coming from the jacket Senator Stevens left on a chair. We
didn't answer.
A short time later, the Secret Service opened the door and President
Bush walked in. I thought we might get to shake his hand as he went
through. But instead, he walked up to my wife with his arms wide, pulled
her in for a hug and a kiss, and said, "I wish I could heal the hole in
your heart." He then grabbed me for a hug, as well as each of our sons.
Then he turned and said, "Everybody out."
A few seconds later, the four of us were completely alone behind closed
doors with the President of the United States and not a Secret Service
agent in sight.
He said, "Come on, let's sit down and talk." He pulled up a chair at the
side of the room, and we sat down next to him. He looked a little tired
from his trip, and he noticed that his shoes were scuffed up from
leaning over concrete barriers to shake hands and pose for photos. He
slumped down the chair, completely relaxed, smiled, and suddenly was no
longer the President - he was just a guy with a job, sitting around
talking with us like a family member at a barbeque.
For the next 15 or 20 minutes, he talked with us about our son, Iraq,
his family, faith, convictions, and shared his feelings about nearing
the end of his presidency. He asked each of our teenaged sons what they
wanted to do in life and counseled them to set goals, stick to their
convictions, and not worry about being the "cool" guy.
He said that he'd taken a lot of heat during his tenure and was under a
lot of pressure to do what's politically expedient, but was proud to say
that he never sold his soul. Sometimes he laughed, and at others he
teared up. He said that what he'll miss most after leaving office will
be his role as Commander in Chief.
One of the somber moments was when he thanked us for the opportunity to
meet, because he feels a heavy responsibility knowing that our son died
because of a decision he made. He was incredibly humble, full of warmth,
and completely without pretense. We were seeing the man his family sees.
We couldn't believe how long he was talking to us, but he seemed to be
in no hurry whatsoever. In the end, he thanked us again for the visit
and for the opportunity to get off his feet for a few minutes. He then
said, "Let's get some pictures." The doors flew open, Secret Service and
the White House photographer came in, and suddenly he was the President
again. We posed for individual pictures as he gave each of us one of his
coins, and then he posed for family pictures. A few more thank yous, a
few more hugs, and he was gone.
The remarkable thing about the whole event was that he didn't have to
see us at all. If he wanted to do more, he could've just given a quick
handshake and said, "Thanks for your sacrifice." But he didn't - he put
everything and everyone in his life on hold to meet privately with the
family of a Private First Class who gave his life in the service of his
country.
What an incredible lesson on service. If the President of the United
States is willing to drop everything on his plate to visit with a
family, surely the rest of us can do it. No one is above serving another
person, and no one is so lofty that he or she can't treat others with
dignity and respect.
We often think of service in terms of sacrificing ourselves for someone
in a position above us, but how often do we remember that serving
someone below us can be much more important? If you're in a leadership
capacity, take a good look at how you're treating your people, and
remember that your role involves serving the people you rely on every
day.
I've thought about this for the past few days since I read it the first time. With the current political scene, we're told so often about what to think about President Bush and our country's efforts in the Middle East. As his presidency nears a close, I feel very grateful for a leader who does what he believes to be right, no matter what. He has certainly been criticized a great deal, but I wholeheartedly believe that he understands the full weight of his decisions and I respect him for taking the hard road. Many parts of Lt. Col. Murphy's story show me that President Bush is simply not the man that the media portrays him to be. The fact that he took the time to sit down with the Murphy family is really touching, but what touched me the most was the sincerity that the family felt. I would guess that President Bush, in his travels, meets with many families of fallen soldiers to offer his gratitude and condolences. The conversation that he had with the Murphys is likely a conversation that he has had hundreds of times. But for the family to sense authenticity, sincerity, and know that he genuinely sorrowed because of their loss...amazes me. I don't know what the rest of the U.S. will see as President Bush's legacy, but I am proud to say that, for me, his legacy will be of a leader that had that courage and integrity to make what he believed to be the right decision. No matter how unpopular, or what criticism would come, or how his image would suffer. That kind of leadership is hard to find, it seems like, and it makes me think a lot about the upcoming election and how different our two candidates are. I would take substance over style any day.
